President proposes US Space Force

Seriously, I was wondering what outrageous presidential scandal I could possibly write about this month what with all the White House departures and the firing of the Secretary of State and plans for the Baboon In Chief to personally meet with Fat Little Rocket Man.  I can just imagine those two shlubby savages crouching and throwing their poop at each other while jumping up and down and screeching like enraged monkeys.  Or maybe they'll take one look at each other and agree to exchange hair styles.  I mean, how much worse could our leader look with white walls instead of an orange comb-over?

OK, stay calm.  Here's his latest words, spoken in front of an audience of US Marines.  The president proposed that the US have a Space Force!  I'm laughing so hard, I'm farting.  You know, he makes this stuff up as he goes along, right off the top of his head underneath the orange toupee. (Imagine the shame of being his queer personal hairdresser, following him around wherever he goes, shelpping six cans of heavy duty hairspray, and a horse's butt grooming brush).  I think its a great idea and that he should be aboard the first space rocket shot into the void as a military orchestra plays Adios Asshole and Hail to the Chief.

So sure, why not?  A new US Space Force can be paid for with the blood of the poor.  In his incoherent remarks introducing his idea, he said there will be lots of "private money."  Private money paying for US Armed Forces?  WTF?  Maybe an erectile dysfunction drug company could sponsor the president's next birthday party.  There's the corporate and rich people's tax cut raising the national debt into the trillions, and the cost of the Great Wall, the trade war cost to the economy, and lets not forget about 30 million for the Military Parade.  So another 70 billion or so to fund a Space Force shouldn't be a problem.  We could even save money by buying the space ship toilets from China and the top secret secure software from Russia as we already do now.  I've already got an idea for the Space Force Anthem: "Somewhere over the rainbow" as sung by Judy Garland.  And the song of Space Force Headquarters would be "San Francisco" as sung by Jeanette McDonald as the city fell in ruins at her feet.

OK, now seriously, the Air Force grew out of the US Army Air Corps of WWII.  And now the Air Force actually is America's military 'space force' such as it is at present.  A few years ago there was an AF recruiting commercial, regularly broadcast nationally on network TV channels, it portrayed a 9 year old girl out in farm country staring intently at a brewing tornado on the horizon; her father had to pick her up and bring her inside as she continued fearlessly looking at the storm over his shoulder.  Then, the scene shifts to a young woman in an Air Force uniform aboard a space station actively monitoring meteorological displays; and the voice over says, "We've been waiting for you!"  Brilliant; best recruiting commercial I ever saw!  But, we don't even have military space stations like that yet.  And so far, the invading armada from Alpha Centauri is still thousands of years away.  So, methinks the president-who-never-served is suffering from premature militarization.

Now, about High Treason and the Collusion with Russia investigation: So far we've had nearly every crony appointed to the inner sanctum White House underwear cabinet having had 'meetings with Russians,' payments from foreign governments, and hidden piles of millions of money.  Even Cushy-Tushy had a plan to set up a secret back-channel line of presidential communication with Putinh via the Russian Embassy.... .  HOLY SHIT!!!  No Collusion?  If that's not treason, what is?  If it looks like treason, smells like treason, and tastes like treason; it's TREASON!

BUT, in implausible deniability, the moron 'knew nothing about any of that.' Oh, and he didn't know about over a hundred thousand dollars, each, either, paid to strippers to keep quite about having schtupped the president while his wife gave birth.  OK, so if he didn't know, what kind of an incompetent idiot leader does that make him?  On the other hand, his not knowing is seriously unlikely because everyone knows he's the world's biggest Control Queen.  And so now in mid March Mr. Innocent wants to shut down the investigation and fire the Special Counsel in a grand Nixonian moment of glory!  That didn't work out very well the last time that was done.

So now, to get back to the beginning, all the adults have left the administration.  And the president has sent an emissary to the nut farm to open the cages and bring out the lunatics who will do anything for a banana.  These seem to be very angry people who like the smell of war, the woosh of rockets being launched, the thrill of the big screen war room, the blood rush of cataclysmic change, and idiotically anticipating the Rapture.  One has a great big moustache that the president doesn't like.  Seriously.  For a known heterosexual womanizer, he certainly seems to have homoerotic heebie-jeebies.

In a recent speech the President of the United States bragged about having lied to the Prime Minister of Canada, with whom we share a border of over 5500 miles.  For this jerk, it may seem like the least of his 'scandals of the month.'  But its important to remember that President Obama taught America's children about integrity; while this president teaches them shameful sins such as self delusion, lying, lying, and lying.

Meanwhile in Australia the shocking hideous news of the day is the big Cricket Scandal!  Yes, some star players Scuffed the Ball!!! Horrors!  Just imagine the serenity of being an Australian.

-Denny Meyer
fmr USN, Sgt First Class USAR